"Just Leave" - Understanding the Barriers Domestic Violence Survivors Face
Content warning: discussions of domestic and gender-based violence
“Why do you let him treat you like that?”
“Why don’t you just leave them?”
Two of the most common questions survivors of domestic abuse get asked. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which usually is a time to shed light on this pervasive issue that affects millions of people around the world. People of different cultures, races, genders, and identities. Here, we understand the importance to raise awareness all year round.
While campaigns that focus on awareness encourage survivors or victims to leave their abusive situations, it is essential that we as a society recognize and truly understand that escaping domestic violence is not as simple as it may seem. Survivors face a mirage of complexities that extend far beyond "just leaving".
One of the most common beliefs about domestic violence is that survivors or victims can easily escape their abusive relationships. In reality, survivors face a ton of challenges that can make leaving a dangerous situation incredibly difficult.
Kindly note: both terms "survivors" and "victims" are used here interchangeably, with recognition that the person with lived experience holds the power to self-identify accordingly.
Some of the challenges survivors face include:
Fear: Abusers use their power to control their victim. Survivors will fear retaliation, more and stronger abuse and even possibly death, if they were to leave.
Financial dependence: Many survivors are financial dependent on their abusers. Leaving means losing financial support, housing, or access to resources making it extremely hard to start all over again.
Isolation: abusers often isolate the survivors from their friends and family, making it hard to find emotional, and social support when contemplating leaving.
Emotional Manipulation: Survivors may have been emotionally manipulated to believe they deserve the abuse or that they are responsible, leading to feelings of shame and self-blame.
Children: Concerns about the safety and well-being of children can stop survivors from leaving the abuse, as abusers use children as pawns in the control dynamic. Survivors also face a ton of practical challenges when attempting to leave, such as the ones below.
Lack of safe housing: Safe and affordable housing can be a major obstacle to survivors. Yes, there are shelters and transitional housing but there may be an issue of limited beds, and more so if they have children.
The legal process: Navigating the legal system to obtain restraining orders, child custody or divorce can be overwhelming and intimidating.
Emotional trauma: The emotional scars from their experience which affects their self-esteem and mental health.
Lack of community support: Accessing community resources and support services may be challenging due to isolation, lack of awareness of resources available, or simply limited resources.
During Domestic Violence Awareness Month and beyond, it's vital to remember that survivors are not alone. It takes immense courage to leave an abusive relationship, and they deserve our understanding and support, whether they decide to stay or leave.
As a society, we must work to break the silence surrounding domestic violence, challenge harmful stereotypes, and provide comprehensive support to survivors. By doing so, we can support survivors on their journey to healing, and contribute to a world where domestic violence is eradicated.
cover photo image description:
The blog post cover features a blurred image of a person behind a frosted or textured glass, symbolizing obscurity, fear, and the isolation often experienced by survivors of domestic violence. The text in bold white sans-serif font reads:
**“Domestic Violence – why they can’t JUST leave.”**
Below that, in smaller font, it says **“by MONICA CAMACHO.”**
The minimalistic and muted color palette—soft pinks, grays, and blues—evokes a somber yet compassionate tone. The overall design captures the emotional complexity and invisible barriers faced by victims, aligning with the message that leaving an abusive situation is far from simple.
